Lyric Dissection - Born This Way (Lady Gaga)

One Nerd. One Laptop. One Infinite Library of Music.
One series taking the piss out of music. Why, what else would you think I'd do?

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
I knew that Middle Eastern capitals had odd names, but I've never heard of HIM before. Is it a good holiday destination? 
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby
Are you singing to dogs again? Because if you're a human with paws, I'd say that's a serious deformity.

My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
Yes, it just so happens we waste that talent by breathing.
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
In which she milked the cows and fed the chickens.
"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"
She said, "'Cause He made you perfect, babe"
Clearly this child was sculpted out of clay by some famous artist. Either that or Gaga needs to have the talk about the birds and the bees.
"So hold your head up, girl, and you you'll go far
Listen to me when I say"
You. Are. Adopted.

I'm beautiful in my way
The left is my best side.
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
That explains it! I was born to be pretentious! I had no idea! 
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
That's sounds like one of those late night Channel 5 documentaries - The Man Who Fell In Love With Himself.
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way (born this way)

Ooh, there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way (born this way)
Wow. You emerged from the womb as a fully-grown adult?
Ooh, there ain't another way
Baby, I was born this way
Right track, baby
I was born this way
I think we get the picture love. You're still a baby, we get it.

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be
Oh, but those are my best theatre jobs! Who else is going to play Widow Twanky?

Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
Ok, Ok, I don't really like the Meatball one. I much prefer my Sub full of chicken.
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
Respect my youth? Are you joking? They can't even pull there trousers up properly.
A different lover is not a sin
No, but expect everyone to blame localised flash-flooding on God's hatred of homosexuality.
Believe capital H-I-M
Why, is that HIM's motto? Are they twined with Liverpool?
Hey, hey, hey
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vuole fe yah (same DNA)
No sorry, we only serve Chicken Corma here.

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
Except Joey Essex. He can't be part of any plan.
I'm on the right track, baby
Watch out, there's a train coming the other way.
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
Seriously, I want that Channel 5 documentary. I'll bloody produce it myself if I have to.
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way (born this way)
Well, that's the nature vs. nurture question dealt with. Gaga's next single will deal with Schrödinger's Cat.