Pointless Witterings

One Nerd. One Laptop. One Infinite Library of Music. One series taking the piss out of music. Why, what else would you think I'd do? It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M I knew that Middle Eastern capitals had odd names, but I've never heard of HIM before. Is it a good holiday destination?  Just put your paws up 'Cause you were born this way, baby Are you singing to dogs again? Because if you're a human with paws, I'd say that's a serious deformity. My mama told me when I was young We are all born superstars Yes, it just so happens we waste that talent by breathing. She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on In the glass of her boudoir In which she milked the cows and fed the chickens. "There's nothing wrong with loving who you are" She said, "'Cause He made you perfect, babe" Clearly this child was sculpted out of clay by some famous artist. Either that or Gaga needs to have the talk about the birds and the b...

As we arrive at the end of June, we find ourselves facing the exact same chart as we did last week. So, in the spirit of the mind-numbing repetitive monotony that is the charts at the moment, I've decided that this week's chart will be recycled entirely from last week. Why? Because I'm a pretentious bastard that believes that this will 'make a point'. Also because I'm lazy and this is the way I'm doing it. 10. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber (Chart Position - 1) Do I need to repeat myself again? This is poor on all levels, and, worse, feels like a very bad case of cultural appropriation. I'm not quite sure what to make of this song, because it just feels offensive more than anything else. I sincerely doubt this song's going to disappear in the next few weeks, so I'll have to try and come up with some new criticism I haven't mentioned before. For now, the word mind-numbing springs to mind. 9. I'm The ...

As we near to the end of June, it's clear we are reaching a point of mediocrity for the charts. Most of the songs on this list are simply too un-note worthy to be interesting, and a few I'd even call bad. It's pretty depressing when you reach the middle of summer, when music should be at it's height, and find that it amounts to a whole load of bland nothing. Anyway, here's the list of bland nothing, starting with: 10. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber (Chart Position - 1) Do I need to repeat myself again? This is poor on all levels, and, worse, feels like a very bad case of cultural appropriation. I'm not quite sure what to make of this song, because it just feels offensive more than anything else. I sincerely doubt this song's going to disappear in the next few weeks, so I'll have to try and come up with some new criticism I haven't mentioned before. For now, the word mind-numbing springs to mind. 9. I'm The ...

So, we're now into June. Nearly half way through the year, and the charts still seem to be stuck in this rut of terrible mediocrity. Very few of the songs on this list I'd call actively enjoyable, and some I'd say that I disliked or hated. Anyway, let's get started: 10. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (Chart Position - 9) This is still here. Seriously, there's nothing else that is better than this? This song is probably one of the worst things to chart this year, and I'm seriously losing patience with it. The whole thing is a mess, from start to finish, and it doesn't help that the artist's track records are so poor. This whole song feels like one extended joke that's gone very badly wrong. Please don't make me talk about this next week, I can barely talk about it now. 9. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber (Chart Position - 1) I don't really understand why this is liked as much as it...

Another week, another chart rankings. With the enforced hiatus now over, you can expect more original content from me regarding songs, and their development on the charts. As we move into June, it's clear that the big summer tunes are lining themselves up (especially now that Shape Of You has now left the top 10 - the last song from the winter), and unfortunately, if things carry on the way they are, there will be much to complain about. Let's get started with number 10: 10. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (Chart Position - 7) This is ridiculous... This is still in the charts? Really? It's a load of rubbish! There's very little technical merit to this song, and even less lyrical merit. It's blander than paint drying, with poor writing, poor performances and terrible, terrible production. Seriously, everything's layered with so many effects that is sounds more like it was made in a computer. The kind of drivel that really shouldn't b...

So, another week, another chart. The last week of rankings that will be copied is pretty much the same as last week - only my summer favourite is back. 10. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (Chart Position - 6) My thoughts from three weeks ago: Seriously, I'm really not a fan of any of these three artists: Jason Derulo can be one of the most annoyingly smug singers on the planet, Ty single-handedly ruined Zara Larsson's So Good and Nicki Minaj is to be expected. There's a load of disjointed effects forced together into something that's calling itself a beat, and some of these effects are so irritating and forced that it makes me wonder: does anyone actually listen to this stuff before it goes out? Someone who's divorced from the creative process, and can be objective to this song? Because, if sloppy, phoned-in messes like this are being produced, it makes me wonder. A total mess, but, unlike HUMBLE, at least it's not offensive. Except Ni...