So, five months into the year. Now, we're starting to see the picture of summer 2017, and get an idea of what the radio will be subjecting us with until October. And, let me tell you, if it's going to be like this, then I'll be going insane by the end of it. Let's get started:
10. HUMBLE. - Kendrick Lamar (Chart Position - 9)
My thoughts from two weeks ago:
Oh Christ... Not again. Now, if people really like this thing, then I suppose that's valid. Everyone has their own little quirks, but I don't understand how anyone who has any regard for the past 100 years of female emancipation can actually like this. It's far, far too obtuse, and, while it does have some interesting musical structures (even if it is far too repetitive), the lyrics are what really kick the song in the knackers. This follows the same level of sophistication that Drake's latest album did, and I'm rather worried that this kind of music is actually going to become popular. Sure, Kendrick Lamar has a lot more energy than Drake does, but this kind of childish objectification of women just really grates on me. For a song that's meant to be humble, this is anything but.
9. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (Chart Position - 6)
Considering the talent employed in this song, it a wonder that this isn't at the bottom. Seriously, I'm really not a fan of any of these three artists (Jason Derulo can be one of the most annoyingly smug singers on the planet, Ty single-handedly ruined Zara Larsson's So Good and Nicki Minaj is to be expected), so HUMBLE. must be bad if I'm putting this ahead of it. But it's only by one, so don't think that's any indicator of quality. There's a load of disjointed effects forced together into something that's calling itself a beat, and some of these effects are so irritating and forced that it makes me wonder: does anyone actually listen to this stuff before it goes out? Someone who's divorced from the creative process, and can be objective to this song? Because, if sloppy, phoned-in messes like this are being produced, it makes me wonder. A total mess, but, unlike HUMBLE, at least it's not offensive. Except Nicki Minaj's vocals. They're offensive to the human race.
8. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber (oh no) (Chart Position - 7)
Seriously... What the hell is this? I'm not quite sure how this has cranked the top 10 in the United Kingdom, since most of it's in a foreign language, so unless it's going to turn into a meme in the net month, this might remain a bit baffling. It doesn't sound like anything else in the charts at the moment, which is nice, but it's just not the sort of music that appeals to me. I understand that it's an attempt to introduce a bit of culture to British/American ears, but I just don't like the style, and prefer the music we have. This song also makes one massive mistake: employing Justin Bieber as the bridge between two cultures. Justin Bieber, the man with about as much appeal as a dog's chew toy, is in no way a good singer, and here, he once again proves it with a phoned-in performance that has virtually no charisma, or even any care for the source it's coming from. The other two are great, but Bieber's poor performance just ruins it for everyone. Mind you, if you are going to pick one of the most terrible of all modern singers...
7. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber (again?), Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne (Chart Position - 3)
This should be lower, but it's so forgettable that I don't think you can rank it lower. I also think the beat on this thing is fairly decent: it's quite light, and unlike a lot of songs in this ilk, it doesn't try to be dark and heavy. It's just a shame that the lyrics are so ploddy and predictable, they're just the same as all the other dross you'd hear from artists like this. Also - why are there so many artists involved in this thing? Seriously, there's like five artists here, and I'm not sure they do all that much. Bieber is given the lion's share of the lyrics, and once again his flat, null delivery bores the listener to death. Lil Wayne gets a verse (you can tell because it is so clearly improvised on the spot) and DJ Khaled might have been responsible for the instrumental, or something... But there are simply too many cooks involved in this thing for it to have any sort of coherency. It just becomes a jumbled, disorganised mess, and I feel like no one is in control of it on any level. There's no central unifying figure, just a load of people signing into the wilderness, hoping something sticks. With regards to an instrumental sense, this song is pretty decent. But look at the lyrics and the balance of artists, this thing just falls apart.
6. Passionfruit - Drake (Chart Position - 5)
My thoughts from five weeks ago:
This is possibly the most drastic drop on my chart since these rankings began, and while some would say that it's unwarranted, the reason why this song was so high originally was only because of the poor quality of last week's chart. Sure, it's the best Drake song I've heard and remember by a country mile, but, when up against much stiffer competition, this just crumbles. But, if Drake continues along this route, you might find my unrelenting criticism of him lessening somewhat.
5. Solo Dance - Martin Jensen (Chart Position - 10)
My thoughts from three weeks ago:
I can't really tell if this is EDM or Tropical House... but, whatever it is, it's a bland rehash of all the clichés of both genres. I had hoped that the steady encroachment of Rap and Grime onto their territory would have been the kick up the arse that EDM/Tropical House needed, but it seems I was sadly mistaken. I would just like to say that there's nothing 'wrong' with Solo Dance - the lyrics don't make much sense, but then again, they're not really meant to on a EDM/TH song. It's about the instrumental, and this follows all the genre clichés to the letter. It's really hard to talk about this one, because I've said it all with Don't Wanna Know, Call On Me and Just Hold On. There's so little I can add, apart from that it's a strong performance from Martin Jensen on vocals, and the build-up to the chorus is quite nice. Other than that, this is a song I couldn't really care less about.
4. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 2)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:
Of course this was going to be here. Shape Of You is undoubtedly Sheeran's greatest hit, and it's not hard to see why. It has such a relaxed feel to it in every element of production: the writing, the vocals, the melodies, the beat, everything just feels so relaxed and chilled. The story of simple physical attraction is wonderfully told, and it never amounts to anything more than it purports to be. I know I keep saying this about Sheeran, about his storytelling, but it is true - he does tell a story with his music. Each song is like a little short story that paints a world perfectly, but never outstays it's welcome. This is helped by Sheeran's voice, which, like every song on this list, is just phenomenal. He has an amazing instrument, and is totally in command of that instrument. That his songs have possibly the best production values on the chart is another positive. Sheeran has many different styles, all of which are executed successfully, and Shape Of You is the ultimate proof of that. The crowning glory in the career of one of the best artist's of the past decade. Simply amazing.
3. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 4)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:
Why wasn't this released as a single? This is fantastic! It's electronic, mixed with Irish river-dance, mixed with a wonderful acoustic sound. It shouldn't, by rights, work... but oh my God, it does! It's upbeat, slow, different and familiar all at the same time. It's simply about an Irish girl who has a one-night stand with Ed, and I love it's simplicity. It isn't pretentious about anything, just tells it like it is. And I love it. It's melody is simple, allowing it's barrage of styles to come together, and it doesn't outstay it's welcome either. It's nice and short, and it just works. Simply magical.
2. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson (Chart Position - 1)
My thoughts from four weeks ago:
I still love this song. Is that to do with the fact that it's a triumphant return to form for Clean Bandit? Yes. Is it to do with the fact that Zara Larsson is one of the best up-and-coming singers at the moment? Yes. Is it a great collision between two artists at the top of their game, and manages to be both interesting and different? Yes. Seriously, this is something bloody special, and that's rare in the charts. I don't care if I sound like a madman, but when music's as good as this, I've got every right to shout. Totally amazing, and a song to believe the hype about.
1. Stay - Zedd & Alessia Cara (Chart Position - 8)
My thoughts from three weeks ago:
Wow! This song shot up the charts, is what you might be saying. And the reason why? Well, I just really like this song. It's as simple as that. I think that, as new and different things go, it's the newest and differentist song out there at the moment. But I really like the energy it has: a lot of songs that have touched on this subject matter recently have felt lacking in energy, and they've frankly been a little soulless. This most definitely isn't: it's powerful, it's not afraid to try and add in different effects (seriously, why has no one thought to include a ticking clock before?), and it's just a masterpiece from start to finish. Sure, it's not perfect. As I mentioned, the lyrics are a bit ordinary, especially considering the way everything else feels so different by comparison. But what this song does do is great, and I honestly thing that the good heavily outweighs the bad. The anthem for early summer, I'm telling you. No matter what it turns out to be, this will be the song I listen to on repeat.
So, this is the Spotify Chart cross-compared with my listings for ease of reference:
Spotify:
1. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson
2. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
3. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
4. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
5. Passionfruit - Drake
6. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
7. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
8. Stay - Zedd & Alessia Cara
9. HUMBLE. - Kendrick Lamar
10. Solo Dance - Martin Jensen
Me:
1. Stay - Zedd & Alessia Cara
2. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson
3. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
4. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
5. Solo Dance - Martin Jensen
6. Passionfruit - Drake
7. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
8. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
9. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
10. HUMBLE. - Kendrick Lamar
Join me next week for another look at the charts!
10. HUMBLE. - Kendrick Lamar (Chart Position - 9)
My thoughts from two weeks ago:
Oh Christ... Not again. Now, if people really like this thing, then I suppose that's valid. Everyone has their own little quirks, but I don't understand how anyone who has any regard for the past 100 years of female emancipation can actually like this. It's far, far too obtuse, and, while it does have some interesting musical structures (even if it is far too repetitive), the lyrics are what really kick the song in the knackers. This follows the same level of sophistication that Drake's latest album did, and I'm rather worried that this kind of music is actually going to become popular. Sure, Kendrick Lamar has a lot more energy than Drake does, but this kind of childish objectification of women just really grates on me. For a song that's meant to be humble, this is anything but.9. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (Chart Position - 6)
Considering the talent employed in this song, it a wonder that this isn't at the bottom. Seriously, I'm really not a fan of any of these three artists (Jason Derulo can be one of the most annoyingly smug singers on the planet, Ty single-handedly ruined Zara Larsson's So Good and Nicki Minaj is to be expected), so HUMBLE. must be bad if I'm putting this ahead of it. But it's only by one, so don't think that's any indicator of quality. There's a load of disjointed effects forced together into something that's calling itself a beat, and some of these effects are so irritating and forced that it makes me wonder: does anyone actually listen to this stuff before it goes out? Someone who's divorced from the creative process, and can be objective to this song? Because, if sloppy, phoned-in messes like this are being produced, it makes me wonder. A total mess, but, unlike HUMBLE, at least it's not offensive. Except Nicki Minaj's vocals. They're offensive to the human race.8. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber (oh no) (Chart Position - 7)
Seriously... What the hell is this? I'm not quite sure how this has cranked the top 10 in the United Kingdom, since most of it's in a foreign language, so unless it's going to turn into a meme in the net month, this might remain a bit baffling. It doesn't sound like anything else in the charts at the moment, which is nice, but it's just not the sort of music that appeals to me. I understand that it's an attempt to introduce a bit of culture to British/American ears, but I just don't like the style, and prefer the music we have. This song also makes one massive mistake: employing Justin Bieber as the bridge between two cultures. Justin Bieber, the man with about as much appeal as a dog's chew toy, is in no way a good singer, and here, he once again proves it with a phoned-in performance that has virtually no charisma, or even any care for the source it's coming from. The other two are great, but Bieber's poor performance just ruins it for everyone. Mind you, if you are going to pick one of the most terrible of all modern singers...7. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber (again?), Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne (Chart Position - 3)
This should be lower, but it's so forgettable that I don't think you can rank it lower. I also think the beat on this thing is fairly decent: it's quite light, and unlike a lot of songs in this ilk, it doesn't try to be dark and heavy. It's just a shame that the lyrics are so ploddy and predictable, they're just the same as all the other dross you'd hear from artists like this. Also - why are there so many artists involved in this thing? Seriously, there's like five artists here, and I'm not sure they do all that much. Bieber is given the lion's share of the lyrics, and once again his flat, null delivery bores the listener to death. Lil Wayne gets a verse (you can tell because it is so clearly improvised on the spot) and DJ Khaled might have been responsible for the instrumental, or something... But there are simply too many cooks involved in this thing for it to have any sort of coherency. It just becomes a jumbled, disorganised mess, and I feel like no one is in control of it on any level. There's no central unifying figure, just a load of people signing into the wilderness, hoping something sticks. With regards to an instrumental sense, this song is pretty decent. But look at the lyrics and the balance of artists, this thing just falls apart.
6. Passionfruit - Drake (Chart Position - 5)My thoughts from five weeks ago:
This is possibly the most drastic drop on my chart since these rankings began, and while some would say that it's unwarranted, the reason why this song was so high originally was only because of the poor quality of last week's chart. Sure, it's the best Drake song I've heard and remember by a country mile, but, when up against much stiffer competition, this just crumbles. But, if Drake continues along this route, you might find my unrelenting criticism of him lessening somewhat.
5. Solo Dance - Martin Jensen (Chart Position - 10)
My thoughts from three weeks ago:
I can't really tell if this is EDM or Tropical House... but, whatever it is, it's a bland rehash of all the clichés of both genres. I had hoped that the steady encroachment of Rap and Grime onto their territory would have been the kick up the arse that EDM/Tropical House needed, but it seems I was sadly mistaken. I would just like to say that there's nothing 'wrong' with Solo Dance - the lyrics don't make much sense, but then again, they're not really meant to on a EDM/TH song. It's about the instrumental, and this follows all the genre clichés to the letter. It's really hard to talk about this one, because I've said it all with Don't Wanna Know, Call On Me and Just Hold On. There's so little I can add, apart from that it's a strong performance from Martin Jensen on vocals, and the build-up to the chorus is quite nice. Other than that, this is a song I couldn't really care less about. 4. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 2)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:Of course this was going to be here. Shape Of You is undoubtedly Sheeran's greatest hit, and it's not hard to see why. It has such a relaxed feel to it in every element of production: the writing, the vocals, the melodies, the beat, everything just feels so relaxed and chilled. The story of simple physical attraction is wonderfully told, and it never amounts to anything more than it purports to be. I know I keep saying this about Sheeran, about his storytelling, but it is true - he does tell a story with his music. Each song is like a little short story that paints a world perfectly, but never outstays it's welcome. This is helped by Sheeran's voice, which, like every song on this list, is just phenomenal. He has an amazing instrument, and is totally in command of that instrument. That his songs have possibly the best production values on the chart is another positive. Sheeran has many different styles, all of which are executed successfully, and Shape Of You is the ultimate proof of that. The crowning glory in the career of one of the best artist's of the past decade. Simply amazing.
3. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 4)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:
Why wasn't this released as a single? This is fantastic! It's electronic, mixed with Irish river-dance, mixed with a wonderful acoustic sound. It shouldn't, by rights, work... but oh my God, it does! It's upbeat, slow, different and familiar all at the same time. It's simply about an Irish girl who has a one-night stand with Ed, and I love it's simplicity. It isn't pretentious about anything, just tells it like it is. And I love it. It's melody is simple, allowing it's barrage of styles to come together, and it doesn't outstay it's welcome either. It's nice and short, and it just works. Simply magical.
2. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson (Chart Position - 1)
My thoughts from four weeks ago:I still love this song. Is that to do with the fact that it's a triumphant return to form for Clean Bandit? Yes. Is it to do with the fact that Zara Larsson is one of the best up-and-coming singers at the moment? Yes. Is it a great collision between two artists at the top of their game, and manages to be both interesting and different? Yes. Seriously, this is something bloody special, and that's rare in the charts. I don't care if I sound like a madman, but when music's as good as this, I've got every right to shout. Totally amazing, and a song to believe the hype about.
1. Stay - Zedd & Alessia Cara (Chart Position - 8)
My thoughts from three weeks ago:Wow! This song shot up the charts, is what you might be saying. And the reason why? Well, I just really like this song. It's as simple as that. I think that, as new and different things go, it's the newest and differentist song out there at the moment. But I really like the energy it has: a lot of songs that have touched on this subject matter recently have felt lacking in energy, and they've frankly been a little soulless. This most definitely isn't: it's powerful, it's not afraid to try and add in different effects (seriously, why has no one thought to include a ticking clock before?), and it's just a masterpiece from start to finish. Sure, it's not perfect. As I mentioned, the lyrics are a bit ordinary, especially considering the way everything else feels so different by comparison. But what this song does do is great, and I honestly thing that the good heavily outweighs the bad. The anthem for early summer, I'm telling you. No matter what it turns out to be, this will be the song I listen to on repeat.
So, this is the Spotify Chart cross-compared with my listings for ease of reference:
Spotify:
1. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson
2. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
3. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
4. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
5. Passionfruit - Drake
6. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
7. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
8. Stay - Zedd & Alessia Cara
9. HUMBLE. - Kendrick Lamar
10. Solo Dance - Martin Jensen
Me:
1. Stay - Zedd & Alessia Cara
2. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson
3. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
4. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
5. Solo Dance - Martin Jensen
6. Passionfruit - Drake
7. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
8. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
9. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
10. HUMBLE. - Kendrick Lamar
Join me next week for another look at the charts!
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