Another week, another ranking. There's only two weeks to go before I can stop incessantly recycling material, and get back to new thoughts for every song. So, I'll make a start with:
10. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (Chart Position - 5)
My thoughts from two weeks ago:
Seriously, I'm really not a fan of any of these three artists: Jason Derulo can be one of the most annoyingly smug singers on the planet, Ty single-handedly ruined Zara Larsson's So Good and Nicki Minaj is to be expected. There's a load of disjointed effects forced together into something that's calling itself a beat, and some of these effects are so irritating and forced that it makes me wonder: does anyone actually listen to this stuff before it goes out? Someone who's divorced from the creative process, and can be objective to this song? Because, if sloppy, phoned-in messes like this are being produced, it makes me wonder. A total mess, but, unlike HUMBLE, at least it's not offensive. Except Nicki Minaj's vocals. They're offensive to the human race.
9. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber (Chart Position - 1)
My thoughts from two weeks ago:
Seriously... What the hell is this? I'm not quite sure how this has cranked the top 10 in the United Kingdom, since most of it's in a foreign language, so unless it's going to turn into a meme in the net month, this might remain a bit baffling. It doesn't sound like anything else in the charts at the moment, which is nice, but it's just not the sort of music that appeals to me. I understand that it's an attempt to introduce a bit of culture to British/American ears, but I just don't like the style, and prefer the music we have. This song also makes one massive mistake: employing Justin Bieber as the bridge between two cultures. Justin Bieber, the man with about as much appeal as a dog's chew toy, is in no way a good singer, and here, he once again proves it with a phoned-in performance that has virtually no charisma, or even any care for the source it's coming from. The other two are great, but Bieber's poor performance just ruins it for everyone. Mind you, if you are going to pick one of the most terrible of all modern singers...
8. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne (Chart Position - 2)
My thoughts from two weeks ago:
This should be lower, but it's so forgettable that I don't think you can rank it lower. I also think the beat on this thing is fairly decent: it's quite light, and unlike a lot of songs in this ilk, it doesn't try to be dark and heavy. It's just a shame that the lyrics are so ploddy and predictable, they're just the same as all the other dross you'd hear from artists like this. Also - why are there so many artists involved in this thing? Seriously, there's like five artists here, and I'm not sure they do all that much. Bieber is given the lion's share of the lyrics, and once again his flat, null delivery bores the listener to death. Lil Wayne gets a verse (you can tell because it is so clearly improvised on the spot) and DJ Khaled might have been responsible for the instrumental, or something... But there are simply too many cooks involved in this thing for it to have any sort of coherency. It just becomes a jumbled, disorganised mess, and I feel like no one is in control of it on any level. There's no central unifying figure, just a load of people singing into the wilderness, hoping something sticks. With regards to an instrumental sense, this song is pretty decent. But look at the lyrics and the balance of artists, this thing just falls apart.
7. Did You See - J HUS (Chart Position - 9)
This is odd... Mostly because I have no real explanation for why this song is so high. The beat isn't that great, it's fine, but a little monotonous. The lyrics are the typical kind of thing you'd expect from a rap song, fine if you like it, but I don't. And J HUS' delivery is flat as hell, but considering that this week, there's no less than eight below-average artists on the chart, he's just following in tradition. That's what I mean: this is sticking so rigidly to stock elements of the rap/topical house Frankenstein's monster that's emerged in the past few months, that it's just totally boring. Rap is at it's best when it's trying to keep pushing the boundaries and do something different. It's why Erimem did so well back in the early 00's. It's why so many people are into grime at the moment. There's nothing wrong with this song on a technical level, but like both I'm The One and Passionfruit, it's so uninspired that I can't imagine people genuinely enjoying this after two or three listens.
6. Passionfruit - Drake (Chart Position - 10)
My thoughts from seven weeks ago:
This is possibly the most drastic drop on my chart since these rankings began, and while some would say that it's unwarranted, the reason why this song was so high originally was only because of the poor quality of last week's chart. Sure, it's the best Drake song I've heard and remember by a country mile, but, when up against much stiffer competition, this just crumbles. But, if Drake continues along this route, you might find my unrelenting criticism of him lessening somewhat.
5. Unforgettable - French Montana & Swae Lee (Chart Position - 7)
Wow, this is so, so boring. There is virtually nothing of substance here: the instrumental is ripped out of a song by The Weeknd, the lyrics are a merge of a Drake song and a Chainsmokers song and the vocals are basically Louis Tomlinson's from Just Hold On. This is literally just a hybrid of all those songs: there's no orginiality to any of this. Sure, it's lots of different elements crashing together, which is great fun, but I just don't feel that in the song. It's not self-aware enough: there's no parody of the material, just a straight rehash. I have no real desire to comment on any individual aspect of the song, since, if you know my thoughts on each of those previous elements, what's the point? This song might be called Unforgettable, but, sadly, it's eminently forgettable.
4. There's Nothing Holding Me Back - Shawn Mendes (Chart Position - 4)
My thoughts from last week:
This is an odd beast. It feels like two different genres (house and guitar) pushed together, with no real blending going on. Now, I'm not the biggest Shawn Mendes fan. I mean sure, when I first listen to his songs, I think "ok, not bad". But then, after just three or four listens, I start to notice flaws. Things that don't quite work, or in the case of Treat You Better, a really twisted and almost semi-abusive message (which isn't helped by the music video's connotations). But this don't really work on even a first or a second pass. The whole thing jumps from one style to the other: at first, it's using the guitar in the same style as Despacito, then it becomes a tropical house anthem a few beats later. The cut is so severe, it's like suffering from stylistic whiplash when you start listening to the next bit. And the beat drop at the end of the chorus is a mess: it's seriously all over the place. To be honest, this song feels half-finished, and I don't think that's helped by a fairly flat performance from Shawn Mendes. It nowhere near as bad as Bieber or Drake, but it's nowhere near his best. And yet, I feel like this song had some good intentions. It's trying to be different to Mendes' other stuff (which explains why he released it as a single), but I sadly feel that it just doesn't really work on a conceptual level, and fails to be engaging or interesting. A bit of a missed opportunity, especially considering the writing's a bit stronger on this particular track.
3. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 6)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:
Of course this was going to be here. Shape Of You is undoubtedly Sheeran's greatest hit, and it's not hard to see why. It has such a relaxed feel to it in every element of production: the writing, the vocals, the melodies, the beat, everything just feels so relaxed and chilled. The story of simple physical attraction is wonderfully told, and it never amounts to anything more than it purports to be. I know I keep saying this about Sheeran, about his storytelling, but it is true - he does tell a story with his music. Each song is like a little short story that paints a world perfectly, but never outstays it's welcome. This is helped by Sheeran's voice, which, like every song on this list, is just phenomenal. He has an amazing instrument, and is totally in command of that instrument. That his songs have possibly the best production values on the chart is another positive. Sheeran has many different styles, all of which are executed successfully, and Shape Of You is the ultimate proof of that. The crowning glory in the career of one of the best artist's of the past decade. Simply amazing.
2. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 8)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:
Why wasn't this released as a single? This is fantastic! It's electronic, mixed with Irish river-dance, mixed with a wonderful acoustic sound. It shouldn't, by rights, work... but oh my God, it does! It's upbeat, slow, different and familiar all at the same time. It's simply about an Irish girl who has a one-night stand with Ed, and I love it's simplicity. It isn't pretentious about anything, just tells it like it is. And I love it. It's melody is simple, allowing it's barrage of styles to come together, and it doesn't outstay it's welcome either. It's nice and short, and it just works. Simply magical.
1. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson (Chart Position - 3)
My thoughts from six weeks ago:
I still love this song. Is that to do with the fact that it's a triumphant return to form for Clean Bandit? Yes. Is it to do with the fact that Zara Larsson is one of the best up-and-coming singers at the moment? Yes. Is it a great collision between two artists at the top of their game, and manages to be both interesting and different? Yes. Seriously, this is something bloody special, and that's rare in the charts. I don't care if I sound like a madman, but when music's as good as this, I've got every right to shout. Totally amazing, and a song to believe the hype about.
So, this is the Spotify Chart cross-compared with my listings for ease of reference:
Spotify:
1. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
2. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
3. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson
4. There's Nothing Holding Me Back - Shawn Mendes
5. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
6. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
7. Unforgettable - French Montana & Swae Lee
8. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
9. Did You See - J HUS
10. Passionfruit - Drake
Me:
1. Symphony - Clean Bandit and Zara Larsson
2. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
3. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
4. There's Nothing Holding Me Back - Shawn Mendes
5. Unforgettable - French Montana & Swae Lee
6. Passionfruit - Drake
7. Did You See - J HUS
8. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
9. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
10. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
Join me next week, where I will once again be looking back at the charts!
10. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (Chart Position - 5)
My thoughts from two weeks ago:
Seriously, I'm really not a fan of any of these three artists: Jason Derulo can be one of the most annoyingly smug singers on the planet, Ty single-handedly ruined Zara Larsson's So Good and Nicki Minaj is to be expected. There's a load of disjointed effects forced together into something that's calling itself a beat, and some of these effects are so irritating and forced that it makes me wonder: does anyone actually listen to this stuff before it goes out? Someone who's divorced from the creative process, and can be objective to this song? Because, if sloppy, phoned-in messes like this are being produced, it makes me wonder. A total mess, but, unlike HUMBLE, at least it's not offensive. Except Nicki Minaj's vocals. They're offensive to the human race.9. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber (Chart Position - 1)
My thoughts from two weeks ago:
Seriously... What the hell is this? I'm not quite sure how this has cranked the top 10 in the United Kingdom, since most of it's in a foreign language, so unless it's going to turn into a meme in the net month, this might remain a bit baffling. It doesn't sound like anything else in the charts at the moment, which is nice, but it's just not the sort of music that appeals to me. I understand that it's an attempt to introduce a bit of culture to British/American ears, but I just don't like the style, and prefer the music we have. This song also makes one massive mistake: employing Justin Bieber as the bridge between two cultures. Justin Bieber, the man with about as much appeal as a dog's chew toy, is in no way a good singer, and here, he once again proves it with a phoned-in performance that has virtually no charisma, or even any care for the source it's coming from. The other two are great, but Bieber's poor performance just ruins it for everyone. Mind you, if you are going to pick one of the most terrible of all modern singers...
8. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne (Chart Position - 2)My thoughts from two weeks ago:
This should be lower, but it's so forgettable that I don't think you can rank it lower. I also think the beat on this thing is fairly decent: it's quite light, and unlike a lot of songs in this ilk, it doesn't try to be dark and heavy. It's just a shame that the lyrics are so ploddy and predictable, they're just the same as all the other dross you'd hear from artists like this. Also - why are there so many artists involved in this thing? Seriously, there's like five artists here, and I'm not sure they do all that much. Bieber is given the lion's share of the lyrics, and once again his flat, null delivery bores the listener to death. Lil Wayne gets a verse (you can tell because it is so clearly improvised on the spot) and DJ Khaled might have been responsible for the instrumental, or something... But there are simply too many cooks involved in this thing for it to have any sort of coherency. It just becomes a jumbled, disorganised mess, and I feel like no one is in control of it on any level. There's no central unifying figure, just a load of people singing into the wilderness, hoping something sticks. With regards to an instrumental sense, this song is pretty decent. But look at the lyrics and the balance of artists, this thing just falls apart.
7. Did You See - J HUS (Chart Position - 9)
This is odd... Mostly because I have no real explanation for why this song is so high. The beat isn't that great, it's fine, but a little monotonous. The lyrics are the typical kind of thing you'd expect from a rap song, fine if you like it, but I don't. And J HUS' delivery is flat as hell, but considering that this week, there's no less than eight below-average artists on the chart, he's just following in tradition. That's what I mean: this is sticking so rigidly to stock elements of the rap/topical house Frankenstein's monster that's emerged in the past few months, that it's just totally boring. Rap is at it's best when it's trying to keep pushing the boundaries and do something different. It's why Erimem did so well back in the early 00's. It's why so many people are into grime at the moment. There's nothing wrong with this song on a technical level, but like both I'm The One and Passionfruit, it's so uninspired that I can't imagine people genuinely enjoying this after two or three listens. 
6. Passionfruit - Drake (Chart Position - 10)My thoughts from seven weeks ago:
This is possibly the most drastic drop on my chart since these rankings began, and while some would say that it's unwarranted, the reason why this song was so high originally was only because of the poor quality of last week's chart. Sure, it's the best Drake song I've heard and remember by a country mile, but, when up against much stiffer competition, this just crumbles. But, if Drake continues along this route, you might find my unrelenting criticism of him lessening somewhat.
5. Unforgettable - French Montana & Swae Lee (Chart Position - 7)
Wow, this is so, so boring. There is virtually nothing of substance here: the instrumental is ripped out of a song by The Weeknd, the lyrics are a merge of a Drake song and a Chainsmokers song and the vocals are basically Louis Tomlinson's from Just Hold On. This is literally just a hybrid of all those songs: there's no orginiality to any of this. Sure, it's lots of different elements crashing together, which is great fun, but I just don't feel that in the song. It's not self-aware enough: there's no parody of the material, just a straight rehash. I have no real desire to comment on any individual aspect of the song, since, if you know my thoughts on each of those previous elements, what's the point? This song might be called Unforgettable, but, sadly, it's eminently forgettable.4. There's Nothing Holding Me Back - Shawn Mendes (Chart Position - 4)
My thoughts from last week:
This is an odd beast. It feels like two different genres (house and guitar) pushed together, with no real blending going on. Now, I'm not the biggest Shawn Mendes fan. I mean sure, when I first listen to his songs, I think "ok, not bad". But then, after just three or four listens, I start to notice flaws. Things that don't quite work, or in the case of Treat You Better, a really twisted and almost semi-abusive message (which isn't helped by the music video's connotations). But this don't really work on even a first or a second pass. The whole thing jumps from one style to the other: at first, it's using the guitar in the same style as Despacito, then it becomes a tropical house anthem a few beats later. The cut is so severe, it's like suffering from stylistic whiplash when you start listening to the next bit. And the beat drop at the end of the chorus is a mess: it's seriously all over the place. To be honest, this song feels half-finished, and I don't think that's helped by a fairly flat performance from Shawn Mendes. It nowhere near as bad as Bieber or Drake, but it's nowhere near his best. And yet, I feel like this song had some good intentions. It's trying to be different to Mendes' other stuff (which explains why he released it as a single), but I sadly feel that it just doesn't really work on a conceptual level, and fails to be engaging or interesting. A bit of a missed opportunity, especially considering the writing's a bit stronger on this particular track. 3. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 6)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:Of course this was going to be here. Shape Of You is undoubtedly Sheeran's greatest hit, and it's not hard to see why. It has such a relaxed feel to it in every element of production: the writing, the vocals, the melodies, the beat, everything just feels so relaxed and chilled. The story of simple physical attraction is wonderfully told, and it never amounts to anything more than it purports to be. I know I keep saying this about Sheeran, about his storytelling, but it is true - he does tell a story with his music. Each song is like a little short story that paints a world perfectly, but never outstays it's welcome. This is helped by Sheeran's voice, which, like every song on this list, is just phenomenal. He has an amazing instrument, and is totally in command of that instrument. That his songs have possibly the best production values on the chart is another positive. Sheeran has many different styles, all of which are executed successfully, and Shape Of You is the ultimate proof of that. The crowning glory in the career of one of the best artist's of the past decade. Simply amazing.
2. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran (Chart Position - 8)
Every Ed Sheeran song this week is using posts from previous weeks, as I intend to do a full album review at some point:
Why wasn't this released as a single? This is fantastic! It's electronic, mixed with Irish river-dance, mixed with a wonderful acoustic sound. It shouldn't, by rights, work... but oh my God, it does! It's upbeat, slow, different and familiar all at the same time. It's simply about an Irish girl who has a one-night stand with Ed, and I love it's simplicity. It isn't pretentious about anything, just tells it like it is. And I love it. It's melody is simple, allowing it's barrage of styles to come together, and it doesn't outstay it's welcome either. It's nice and short, and it just works. Simply magical.
1. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson (Chart Position - 3)
My thoughts from six weeks ago:I still love this song. Is that to do with the fact that it's a triumphant return to form for Clean Bandit? Yes. Is it to do with the fact that Zara Larsson is one of the best up-and-coming singers at the moment? Yes. Is it a great collision between two artists at the top of their game, and manages to be both interesting and different? Yes. Seriously, this is something bloody special, and that's rare in the charts. I don't care if I sound like a madman, but when music's as good as this, I've got every right to shout. Totally amazing, and a song to believe the hype about.
So, this is the Spotify Chart cross-compared with my listings for ease of reference:
Spotify:
1. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
2. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
3. Symphony - Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson
4. There's Nothing Holding Me Back - Shawn Mendes
5. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
6. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
7. Unforgettable - French Montana & Swae Lee
8. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
9. Did You See - J HUS
10. Passionfruit - Drake
Me:
1. Symphony - Clean Bandit and Zara Larsson
2. Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran
3. Shape Of You - Ed Sheeran
4. There's Nothing Holding Me Back - Shawn Mendes
5. Unforgettable - French Montana & Swae Lee
6. Passionfruit - Drake
7. Did You See - J HUS
8. I'm The One - DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper & Lil Wayne
9. Despacito: Remix - Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber
10. Swalla - Jason Derulo, Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign
Join me next week, where I will once again be looking back at the charts!
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